Snow Sakura The Biography of Rukia Kuchiki
by 1SuperKawaii
Summary: The life of Rukia Kuchiki Retold by her daughter from the begining through diary entries, stories, and interviews.
1. Chapter 1

Its late so please excuse mistakes. Here's my new story. Its a totally different from what I've done before. It will be told from the view of Rukia and the biographer/narrator who is her daughter. It will be rated T for now but could change later.

I came across an old diary not long ago. It contained names I haven't heard mentioned some in years while others had remained buried for decades. Some stories she had told me of old friends and old times. Some were exciting and kept me up all night in fear while others were romantic and I remember crying a few times.

I would like to share her stories and memories with all of you. Let me start by saying she was a loving and attentive mother. She never let us get away with much like father always did but she was there, always there for us whenever we needed her.

I wondered where I could begin her story, how I could merge her tales with her journal entries to give you a more complete picture. I will do the best I can to get you to see through her eyes as I did when she told me these many stories.

One of her last entries where I believe she was going to put her story together.

"It's been a long life here in Soul Society, there have been good times and bad times. The good that happened in between the bad have made it all worth while. I used to lament for those who I have lost over the years but now I realize life goes on for them and they get to start over. For me I had to stop living in the past and move on and grab happiness wherever I could, It was almost too late."

"It all started in the Inuzuri district also known as the 78th. It was a horrible place, filled with dirt, and decay. Danger hid around every corner and a future wasn't something to think of only dreaded, if in fact one was to make it into the future."

"From what I learned I was born in the living world and had come to soul society with an older sister Hisana, who I never met or knew I had until long after my centennial. There wasn't time to dwell on the wretched living conditions, the only purpose was to survive moment to moment, usually at the expense of someone else's survival. We lived, worked, and survived like rabid dogs, no purpose, and no use to anyone.

An old woman had taken me in and raised me for the first five years of my life. I vaguely remember her, but I do remember her smiling face. Then one day she wasn't there anymore. I found myself being dragged out of place I had learned to call home, then I found myself alone. But not for long. Soon I was with others, girls and women of all ages crammed into an old and loud building. I remember hearing the loud voiced laughing and the smell of heavy perfume. The women and girls wore garish colors and their smiles were not real.

I proved to be a bit of a handful for the proprietor so I was put into the kitchens to work and did I ever work. I never thought of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I just knew I didn't want to end up like everyone else around me.

It was years of hard labor. Kitchens, laundries, fields, but I did my best to keep myself fed. On the short times I had to myself I would watch some of the entertainers practice their dancing and once in a while they would be in good enough spirits to let me join in and teach me a few steps. I found that I only felt truly free when I danced, like I was doing what was natural to me. It was in my blood to dance and that's when I noticed something growing within me, a feint voice."

This is the only story I know from this time. I'm not such a good story teller so please bare with me.

Mom, Rukia was only about ten years old at the time when she ran through the streets after steeling an apple from a very angry vendor, she ducked out of sight in a dark door way and as soon as he had passed she ran to a wooded area.

She enjoyed that apple only for a few moments when a noise like none she ever heard before came close to her. The monster didn't reveal itself until it was right upon her. At first she cowered in fear but then her hands created a ball of energy, it was small and didn't do any good on the monster but she didn't give up. When that failed she tried pelting the creature with stones and branches. It looked like life was just about over for her and in a way she welcomed that fact. Bracing herself the contact she expected never came.

When she opened her eyes she lay her eyes on a very handsome boy with blue-grey eyes. His hair was long and had a red ribbon tying it back. For a while she couldn't move but noticed the man with him wore a very out of place pink kimono, he was also handsome and seemed to have a much more pleasant demeanor then the boy who only looked angry.

"Is that better? I tire of these exercises." the dark haired boy said.

"Oh dear it seems we arrived just in time too, such a lovely young girl. I would have felt terrible if she had been eaten by a hollow." the man in the pink kimono and straw hat said.

"Why? They do not matter. She is just a peasant girl."

"Peasants or not it is our duty and job to protect them. If you continue to not think of them as people you will never understand why we do what we do. I know why don't you go and play with her for a bit you could learn much. Seems she has some spirit pressure. Who knows she may be a Shinigami some day and you'll have yourself an ally."

Rukia finally stood and bowed deeply to both men. They were men and she didn't trust them at all but they had just saved her so she gave her sincerest thanks and then tried to run away from there. The man nodded to the boy urging him to go after the girl. She was surprisingly fast but he caught up with her easily.

"I was told to follow you for a bit. I have always been curious what a peasants life is like." he said.

"Thank you for saving me and all so I guess I owe you that much. You can hang out for a while. But don't get any ideas. I know what you damn men like to do with girls."

"What are you…?" he touched her on the shoulder so she would face him and she threw him to the ground. All he could do was look up at her. No one had ever done that to him since he first learned how to fight and here this small violet eyed girl got the better of him. " What the hell was that for?" he said then calmed himself.

"Sorry I'm just not used to being touched."

"How old are you?" he demanded.

"I'm almost eleven and you could ask more nicely. How about you?"

"Fifteen." he said.

"What's your name?"

"I…I'd rather not tell you." he looked away.

"Why?"

"Because you're a peasant and if I told you, you would treat me different and this exercise would be pointless. I wish to see how people here live. I have never seen the higher numbered districts and I wish to see if they live up to their reputations."

"Well your in for treat nameless boy. Come on."

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"Well you kind of stand out so..." she yoinked his red hair tie from his head and put it in her pocket. Catching him off guard again. "That helps a little. But not much. You look too clean and healthy to be here although I really think you should wear your hair down…. Um what's it like to eat everyday?"

"Do you not eat several meals a day?" he asked.

"You really eat more then once a day?" her stomach growled.

"Yes does everyone not?"

"No. See If I get hungry I have to…." she took a pair of apples from the same vendor from earlier.

"Hey you! I found you!…you little thief come back here!" the vendor from earlier yelled.

"Uh oh better come with me." she tried to pull him.

"There is no need to run." he said.

"Yes there is." she pulled him and they ran.

"So why were we running?"

"See I was really hungry earlier and he runs a fruit stand. I helped myself to one of his apples." they ducked behind a building.

"Without paying? That is thievery." he followed her behind two more.

"It certainly is." she took him onto a roof and handed him one of the apples.

"Why did you not just pay?" he asked looking at her as they sat together.

"With what? The only jobs here don't pay enough to both keep out of the cold and the ability to buy food. Not unless I was to become one of those women." she pointed at a woman in a short kimono.

"What kind of job does she do that you can not…? Oh I see." he said realizing what the woman did as soon as she approached a man. "You are too young to do that anyway."

"Really? Look over at her, she's younger then me. I'm not going to do it, I don't care if I starve." she was sitting really close to her and he was intrigued with her response.

It was an awkward moment when they both looked into one another's eyes. He placed a quick peck on her lips.

"Why the heck did you do that?" she asked.

"I do not know. I could not help it, I have never seen anyone with violet eyes before and I just wanted to kiss you."

"I'm told there might be some extra work in a kitchen so I have to go now. Oh this is yours." she held out his red ribbon.

"You keep it, I think I shall take your suggestion and not wear it anymore."

"Thanks I've never owned anything this nice."

"It is just a ribbon, no big deal."

"Do you know your way from here?"

"Yes have a good afternoon. Next time I am here I will look for you."

"I'll be here. Just follow the angry vendors." and they parted.

I apologize but there isn't anymore information for quite a few years. It wasn't a time she spoke of often and she didn't start to keep a journal until later.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the next part. As usual I'll update as much and as quickly as I can. I prob wont be able to update next week b/c I'm having visitors so I'm typing like mad so I'll have stuff for you next week. I know where I want to go with this I just have to get it out of me. Please forgive any gramatic issues, who writes perfect english in their journal entries anyway? Enjoy!

We were in the park when I heard this story. My brother was still an infant and Mom was feeding him. Lieutenant Abarai Renji had come to have a picnic lunch with us. He filled in many of the blanks for those early year.

Over the years I noticed how close they were. She always said he was part of her family but they always seemed like more. I could tell dad was jealous of their relationship but he never let it show, but I knew.

He was so handsome with long red hair piled crazily on his head and black tattoos everywhere. Not someone you would expect mother to be that close too, but she loved him dearly. It was always fun when he visited us. There were plenty of stories about mom. It appears she's been the same since their childhood days.

"Rukia was sixteen when we met. We were in the middle of stealing jars of water and being chased by the store owner. He probably would have killed us. Then out of nowhere she took him down and stomped on his head. Such a little thing, just like now, but she had the strength of a man. I was stunned for a second. I had never seen such a beautiful girl…looked like a princess. I thought an angel had come to save us. We were the same height back then if you'd believe it….. We just hit it off right away and we all took care of each other. Things were hard but it all somehow looked better with her around. She talked like us and knew how to handle herself on the streets but she was always different. I always thought she was stolen from some royal family. A woman with real class, she held herself with pride and treated everyone with kindness. I knew she could go and have a great career at the academy but she stayed for us, so we would all be together. There were four of us, the best of friends. She was like a big sister and I vowed my life to her. But then it was just the two of us and she said we should become Shinigami and escape that life." Renji said.

I used to listen to his stories so attentively. It was a life I'd never been exposed to and it seemed so noble and somehow romantic that mom survived it all of that. I could never get enough of the stories from the Inuzuri. Mom told us this part of the story.

"Yes I was really determined that day that the two of us would succeed as Shinigami. We vowed that if one of us got in and the other didn't that we would marry so we could both stay in Seiretei. Luckily we both got in and fate took things from there." Rukia said.

"She didn't fit in there either. It wasn't where she belonged, with us common people."

"Yeah I had a hard time dealing with the change especially all of the control. They control every part of your life when you're at the academy. I didn't know it was going to get worse though. I got used to that but I just couldn't connect with anyone. I've always been a person who just thinks and forgets what's around me. Head always in the clouds, always scared to let anyone in. And it was because of that, I lasted so long without friends." she told me.

"When did you meet HIM?" I asked. At first she didn't want to tell me. Said it had long ago been forgotten.

"I was called to a room. The atmosphere was so heavy, and I was nervous and didn't even know why. I thought that I was in trouble for something. There were three men in the room, a retainer, great grandfather and Byakuya Kuchiki. I had never seen a more handsome man in my life but the look on his face told me he wasn't there for pleasantries. He gave me a proposition. You have a strong resemblance to the late lady of our house. He said. Because of this to honor her memory we would like to offer you a place in the clan as my sister. You will graduate immediately and be placed in the thirteenth division. It is an offer I suggest you not turn down. He said this to me without any warmth, like a business proposal. And how could I go, how could I refuse? I thought to myself. I wasn't going to do it, I almost passed it up. I thought as soon as I told Renji who interrupted the meeting he would ask me to stay with him but he didn't." she said.

"I thought it would be best for her to go. I couldn't give her what they could and it looked like she was drowning in her surroundings. She deserved to be a great lady not just another Shinigami. And it wasn't like he was offering to marry her. I know for a fact I would have stopped her if that were the case. It became my goal to become good enough for that family to give her back to me. I knew I had to find a way to surpass Kuchiki-taicho if I wanted to do that. Letting her go was the biggest mistake of my life too. I spent everyday working, to be good enough to get her back but sometimes your too late. You've got to take opportunities when they appear. If you don't something else will come along and you'll lose it forever." Renji said.

That's how it happened. That's how she got the name Kuchiki and went to live in a big old mansion with very quiet and handsome men. This is about the time her journal entries started and I learned things about her a that I never knew. She kept track of her first week in the household so we have a good look at that time.

Her first night at the manor…

'I was given this blank journal along with several other items that belonged to the late lady of the house. I wish there was a picture of her for me to see but I'm told to not go near the shrine which houses the only one I know of. I was told to wear a kimono to dinner this evening but I didn't have one of my own. A maid who is my personal maid, do you believe I have a personal maid? She had given me one that belonged to the late lady Hisana but it was a mistake for me to wear it. I should have realized it was insensitive because of the resemblence. The lord of the house was upset and dragged the maid out of the dinging room after he questioned her. I was scared for her. I do not know this man that I now call brother or what he's capable of but he did not beat her. I guess that's a good thing.

It was just twenty minutes ago I watched as the lord placed the last of lady Hisana' kimono upon a fire in the garden. I thought I would have been scolded but instead I was ignored. Better then being yelled at. Ginrei-sama My now grand father is the only one who has spoken kindly to me and tells me the resemblance to the lady is amazing. The lord is a strange man. He seems like he resents me being here, it's strange, really, really strange. It doesn't seem right for me to be here, but I am, and it's now law.

I cant believe how big this room is. Its amazing. I never imagined people lived like this. I dreamt of stuff but never in my wildest imagination did I expect such luxury. I've been given such a big room and this place is so quiet. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep in such silence. I will remember to give thanks before I fall asleep.'

Her second night at the manor…

'I was given several brand new kimono this morning. I've never owned anything so beautiful. All I came here with were my uniforms, my sword, and a few trinkets that I kept over the years which was a very small wooden box. My brother does not acknoweldge me. He doesn't talk to me, and takes his meals in his room. He wont even make eye contact with me. After he burned her things last night he spent many hours in the shrine. I waited to see when he would leave but I fell asleep. He must have been there pretty late. I saw him go in just an hour ago and he is still there. It must be hard for him to lose a wife so young. He must have really loved her. It's very sad.'

Day three as a Kuchiki…

'Today I went to my division for my designation. I met Shiba Kaien. He's handsome, strong, and spoke to me like I was a real person. The others around me talk behind my back. They say I didn't earn my place, and I guess I didn't. But if they were in my position they would have taken the opportunity just as I have. I'm going to really have to try hard. I want to prove to everyone I'm not a lost case and just another lazy noble. I may just be street trash to everyone but I know I can make the family proud.

Anyway back to Kaien Shiba. I'm told he's from a royal family. I feel butterflies in my stomach every time he speaks to me. I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep tonight. Dinner was delicious. Ni-sama went to the shrine again. I only see his shadow.'

Day four…

'He's married! I had to hide today so I wouldn't cry when I found out. It's just not fair and its to the third seat too. She's such a kind and nice woman, very beautiful. I wish I looked like her. She's everything I want to be. I wish I was her instead of a short and homly girl with no personality. I'll never find a boyfriend like him. Hell Renji didn't even want me. I wish I could at least see him. I'm starting to feel so confined here. There's no one to talk to and no one shows the least bit of emotions. It's a stifled and heavy atmosphere but they let me pretty much alone.

I'm told I'll have to start learning how to take my proper place in the family. I can do it, if only for the food. I've never eaten so well. I can't believe how much food there is and things I've never seen before. I'm going to have to train a lot or I'll get fat.'

Day five…

'I met Ukitake-taicho today. He's often ill so I wont get to see him much. I think he must be one of the kindest and polite people I have ever met. He's handsome with long white hair and I hear he's one of the oldest captains and strongest. I hope I get to see him in action some day. He seems to have taken an interest in me. He is having Kaien train me personally soon.'

Day six…

'Today I had the day off. I practiced all morning and afternoon. I can achieve a sloppy first release with my sword. But I really have a long way to go. I'm exhausted so I'm going to bed now.'

Day seven…

'I ran into Kaien-dono today, It was my second day off. We had lunch together. Were becoming friends and he seems to like my company like I like his too. I hope it's not showing favriotism that we spent our shared day off together. I hope his wife wont mind. Tomorrow I find out if I make a seat or not. I have to try with all of my strength, If I do I know it will please Ni-sama and he will start respecting me. He has been saying good morning to me when we pass on our way to work.'

Day eight…

'I failed to get a position. I'm unseated. I'm such a desgrace to the family. I thought I would die today when I went to the shrine to tell Ni-sama. I can still see his back to me sitting there in the dark as I bowed on the ground. His voice rings in my head. What seat are you? He asked me like he expected me to get one, like there was no chance of my not getting one. I'd assume since I'm a noble now I'd get one even if I did bad, but I didn't, I must really be awful. I had to tell him I didn't get a seat. All he said was I see, you are dismissed. I know I've only been here a little over a week but it just seems hopeless that I will ever gain his affections. Even everyone in my division seems to like me now, even grandfather and many of the elders tolerate me. But him, he's such and enigma. I hope when the proper mourning time has passed it will get easier for him and maybe we can at least be acquaintences.'

Day nine…

'I've been so busy all day. Tomorrow morning I am leaving with Kaien-dono to train. We are going to the mountains where he says his water based Zanpaktu and my ice one wont cause any weather issues. He thinks I really have a lot of potential, especially since I already know her name. He says I'm really strong I just need some refining. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I'm going to be alone with him for six months. Then I'll be going away with him again next year to help train a group of new recruits. No one will miss me here although both Ni-sama and Grandfather wished me a safe journey. I'm going to be stronger when I come back. I'm not going to disappoint anyone, anymore.'


	3. Chapter 3

Hey there, a big thank you to my readers and reviewers. I update for you. Thought you might find this interesting Rukia is a Capricorn and Byakuya is an Aquarious. Rukia' blood type is AO but Byakuya' is unknown. It's interesting because I think think the Kubo really used the zodiac to give his characters personalities. If this is true then it's helpful for writing about them. 

By the way I dont own Bleach or its characters but I do own this story. I make no profit off of it, it's purly for entertainment.

When she returned she was home for about a year. It seemed she must have been busy as there were only a few entries. The files from this time back up that theory. There was a lot of paper work and training. It seemed that she and Shiba worked together well and worked very hard to push every cadet to do their best.

'I've been back a few days from my training. Talk about hard work. I'm both glad and sad it's over. It was so wonderful being with Kaien-dono all of that time. I'm ashamed to say it but I'm in love with him. I'm not sure if I'm being delusional but I think he has feelings beyond friendship for me too. He's an honorable man though.

I reached my second release and it's amazing my first is a dance that freezes everything around me and the second dance I can shoot ice at my opponent. I can really do the moves well now too thanks to Kaien-dono. My Kido has improved too. I can do two low level spells at once and can do all the spells under 35 easily. I'm told that one day I might be a good candidate for the Kido corps, but I don't ever want to leave Kien-dono' side.

It's already set, in one year we'll be going together to train a large group of others, to a far corner of soul society that's full of hollow. I'm ready now to be helpful to him. I'm sort of his assistant now. He told me that I didn't get a seat because it was forbidden by my brother. My safety was his concern. That's so strange to me because it doesn't seem like he cares about my welfare much at all. I know he cant be all bad. He is how he is I guess. I wasn't exactly welcomed home but that's my life now I guess. I'll have to live with it. Kaien-dono told me not to tell anyone what he said though, it's a big secret and not even a request from the central 46 could change it. I never realized how powerful my family is. He said I'm strong enough to be a third seat, which is amazing to me. But since I can't well, he calls me his protégé. There's so much more I can learn from him and I'm going to make him proud.'

Two and a half months later…

'A big mistake happened today. Kaien-dono and I kissed. It was magical for a moment but then he was taken with the same guilt I was. I thought a transfer would be a good idea but he said it would only look suspicious and he would be heart broken without me around. I don't know what to do. I really love him and cant do what my body wants me to do with him. I love his wife too and cant do that to her. It's so hard to resist sometimes, being with him I mean.'

Another month….

'I feel like such a bad person. He love his wife and I love him. This is so wrong so why cant I stop? I wish I could be stronger on the inside but I cant, its like I don't have control over my actions anymore. It's wrong for me to be so close to him. He refuses to let me go to another unit. I've been trying to spend more time with the captain who needs a lot of attention anyway. He's leading me along I know that, but I cant help myself. I'm scared to be alone with him for fear of what we might do. This weakness in unforgivable. He'll never leave his wife for me, I know that. The scandal would be horrific.'

The night before she was to leave on the training trip…

' I should be keeping better track of what I'm doing but I cant remember to keep a journal anymore. It's getting hard to resist Kaien-dono. Everything in my head feels fuzzy when he's around and I forget myself. Luckily when we go away together tomorrow there will be so many people around that there wont be any chance to make a mistake we'll both regret. He tells me he has these feelings for me and he's so ashamed for bringing that kind of shame on himself and his family. He apologizes to me a lot especially when he kisses me when were alone.

I think the captain knows what's happening between us. I guess when you've lived that long you can spot anything. He's a great captain and I really like working with him but I think I will put in for a transfer when we get back. I think my captain will be able to find me a place in the 8th division because his closest friend is the captain.

Kyoraku-taicho isn't a bad man but he's a notorious womanizer. He just has that way about him when he talks to you. Makes you feel really good about yourself and the next thing you know your blushing and looking at him with stars in your eyes. With him I know what I'd be dealing with. I can live with a skirt chaser but this thing that's happening with Kaien-dono I cant control so I need to go. I shall write of my adventure when I return. I'd take my journal with me but if someone ever found it I'd be mortified, that's why I keep it under the loose floorboard in my room.'

…

From what I've researched not much happed in the Kuchiki household or Soul society when she was gone. The regular news of killing hollows in the districts and the occasional story of hollows in the living world. Nothing out of the ordinary. I was told that there was a falling out in the Kuchiki clan during this time. The elders wanted the lord to remarry. For him it was too soon. He did not tell her then but they suggested that he marry his new sister to make things less complicated.

This may seem strange to some but in our culture it is common for a family who only has girls and no male heir to adopt into the family a male and marry him to their daughter so he would take the family name as his thus giving them an heir. It sometimes occurred the other way as well. The clans kept to themselves so there wouldn't be any chance of infiltration of outsiders or other plotting clans. Sometimes a girl would be adopted and she would be trained specifically to be a wife.

My mom didn't realize until many years later that the elders had thought she would be a good replacement for her sister. They didn't like Hisana because she was a sickly commoner but with Rukia now in the family they thought they could use her to their advantage and make her the woman Hisana wasn't.

It makes me wonder though about the emotional capabilities of the clan if they thought that replacing someone with a look alike would somehow fill the void that had been made by her death. It seems wrong, a person cant be replaced. That is why there was a huge falling out. It wasn't Rukia' fault, she wasn't even there at the time. It made him resent her more and only affirmed the promise he made on his parents graves not to break the rules for anyone again. For that is what he did by adopting Rukia. He broke the rules. It was his way of justifying the breach by not making friends with her or taking any comfort in her presence. If he suffered then it somehow made her being there alright.

When she returned she had this to say…

'It was a really productive trip. Uitake-taicho will be really proud when he sees the guys in action. Kaien-dono will make a great captain someday. I bet he'll be promoted as soon as there's an opening as captain somewhere. The tenth just got a new captain. I heard he's some sort of child prodigy. He's an ice element as well and I hear his Bankai is impressive. It's amazing for someone who's only a teenager to reach Bankai. I'm told my Ni-sama reached Bankai at the age of twenty. I wonder if I'll ever be able to achieve Bankai, its so rare as it is but I'm going to keep trying. I wonder if I wont be such a disappointment if I did.

I was able to keep my distance from Kaien-dono on this long trip. There was one close call. It was late and we were both sitting alone at the river. Even two people who didn't like each other would have found the setting too romantic to overlook. He kissed me so deeply and I don't even know how it happened but he was on top of me and I felt my clothes being untied. Somehow I came to my senses.

When I got up I apologized and went back to the barracks with the other women. I was right to stay there with them instead of the officers barracks with Kaien-dono. It would have been just the two of us and I know what would have happened. From that night on I stayed mostly with the women who always had something to talk about and keep me occupied so I wouldn't have spare time to go off alone.

I'm not sure if I'm glad to be back or not. Now I'll be alone with Kaien-dono again and there wont be much interruption if anything were to happen. Were trying to just be friends. He refused again to give me a transfer. I would be so ashamed if Ni-sama were to find out about my feelings for my senior. He seems to dislike me enough as it is.'

Six months later…

'I've tried everything to get him to like me. Ni-sama that is, his heart is so closed. No doubt it's from the tragedy he's had and his upbringing. Everyone in this family is so standoffish but he's just an icicle. I've never met anyone so cold and unfeeling. I wish I could be like that. I try my best to ignore my feelings but it doesn't work.

'Tomorrow I'm giving a tea ceremony for the General Commander. They've made me learn almost from day one. It will be my first official one and I hear the General is a master at giving ceremonies. He's to critique me and tell us if I have learned well enough. I'm fairly confident though that I can pull it off.'

'Yesterday was a disaster. While walking with Ni-sama to the General Commanders office for the tea ceremony we met up with Ichimaru-taicho. The man makes me so nervous. Its like I can only describe it as snakes wrapping around my neck when he speaks. He smiles all of the time but it makes me distrust him even more. I don't like him. I don't know why but I just don't. It may sound paranoid but I think he stopped to make small talk with us only to unnerve me. If that was the case he succeeded. I was so nervous after meeting him that during the ceremony I spilled a cup of tea. The Commander only smiled and tried to comfort me as I tried to continue. But it wasn't him. It was the look on Ni-sama' face, it never changed and it only made me more nervous. He still wont make eye contact with me and barely looks at me. He keeps his eyes closed when I speak to him and he never allows for much of an exchange between us. It's been over two years since I came here and he still treats me as more of a stranger then the servants. I've been nothing but polite beyond sensibility. I don't know why I care so much about him but I do, there's just something behind those beautiful cold grey eyes that makes me feel something I cant make out. It could be fear but that's not right either, I'm not scared of him. I don't know. I don't have time to think about it anyway.'


	4. Chapter 4

It was a good twenty years before there was another entry. The only information comes from the spotty paperwork kept during these years. It wasn't like the system we have now for keeping information so things from that time were frequently lost or destroyed in storage as buildings were damaged in one battle or another.

From what I've gathered she spent a good portion of her time with her captain and not Shiba-sama. Her relationship with him came as a surprise to me. My younger brother is named Kaien but I never knew where the name came from. I don't think anyone knew of their relationship. At this point revealing the details doesn't matter anymore as all the characters have been left to legend and those days are now considered ancient.

It was the next entry that shocked me and will probably shock everyone the most. It is no wonder it was kept such a secret.

'I forgot I had this book until I came across the squeaky loose floorboard. It's been over twenty years since I've seen this book. It was interesting reading what I had written so long ago. Things seemed so much more innocent then. I wonder if I'm the same person as then. I should have written more but I've felt such shame for so long for what I have been feeling for him and now doing with Kaien-dono that I couldn't even think of anything else.

We resisted for so many years and finally, a year ago we both broke down and it happened. If anyone were to find out about the affair I'd be ruined and bring such shame on the family that I'd be disowned and possibly even thrown back to the 78th where I came from. I don't want to bring him any more shame or trouble and I surely don't want to go back. If Miyako were to find out I think I would kill myself for hurting her.

It hurt so much the first time and it's not really that comfortable for me the times after. I don't really know what the big deal is and why everyone talks about it so much. It's nice being that close to him but I wonder if it's the guilt. I sometimes wonder if he were free would he be right for me. There's just something about him that keeps me with him. I don't know what it is I don't know anything anymore.

My husband, scratch that I mean Ni-sama hasn't changed since day one. He spends so much time in the shrine. It cant be healthy for him. I watch him walk to the shrine every night. It seems there's something bothering him but I don't dare ask him. The rumors are that his division doesn't care for him and that he's a really stern and unfeeling captain. From what I see everything runs smoothly there, he does have a difficult division which is why a Kuchiki has always led them.

I'm glad he's not my captain. I love my captain dearly. He's been like a father to me and I don't know what I would do without him. I take care of him and sit with him a lot. It's a shame that he has such a disease. It's hard not to be attracted to such a wonderful man.'

When I tried to interview people about her relationship with Kaien, no one had anything to say. There were documents to back up their time training and some ledger entries for lunch expenses between them. That is all I could find. There was however a curious entry in the journal of Ukitake-taicho.

'…I fear my lieutenant has lost his head. It's not hard to do she's such a wonderful girl, but what I see in his eyes can only cause pain and trouble. I fear the one who will be hurt the most is still too innocent to understand what's happening to her. I've come to love her as well. This disease has left me unable to be with a woman. If I were somehow healed I wouldn't delay in confessing to her, I don't care how much younger she is then me. I would take care of her and give her the love she deserves. All I can do is be a mentor for her….'

I thought the entry was interesting and I believe he omitted the name Rukia to protect all parties involved. I don't think it could have been anyone else. Her sporadic entries were uninteresting for a while until about a year later.

'Today I had a long talk with Kaien-dono and I made him see that we should only be friends, that our affair was wrong and wouldn't work out. It hurt a lot to have this talk as I do love him but just not that way. Were the best of friends and I don't want to loose that with him which is why we didn't have this talk sooner.

But I could see it was going to come to an end. I didn't realize it before that it was nothing more then a stupid infatuation. He was there and I think it started like a rebound relationship because of how I lost Renji. I saw him the other day and waved when no one could see. I really miss Renji, somehow even after all of these years he still seems so familiar like family.

This break from Kaien hurts just as much though. But I know it's the right thing. I want to be with someone I can settle with and have a life with, someone whose more like me, and someone who makes me feel like the other girls tell me being intimate is supposed to feel like.'

'I can't help but watch him as he paces the grounds at night. He must have insomnia. There's something about him that keeps my eyes glued to his form. His skin glows in the moonlight. I really have never seen such a beautiful man before. He stands there so god like. But he's devoid of all personality.'

'I wonder if he's planning to remarry. There's been no indication but the family mentions that they want him too every time they come over. I had to dance for them this afternoon. They make me train and learn all sorts of things that they say will make me a proper lady. After so long it comes as second nature now but I still hate performing in front of others. It was a weird feeling when Ni-sama looked up at me then looked away and kept his eyes closed. I don't know why one glance would have such a crazy affect on me.'

'I'm really honored that today I've been put in charge of the servants. It's a duty of the lady of the house. I guess after living her for twenty five years they finally think I'm ready to take over some of the duties. I'm not scared to order them around like I used to be. I'm going to keep this place running smoothly. I wont give him any reason to be a shamed of me.'

"Kaien and I are still pretty close despite all that has happened between us over the years. I'm glad because he's still one of my closest friends. He's reconciled with his wife and they seem to be more in love then they were before. I wonder if she ever knew. If she did she never made it known, she's always a saint, an ideal in my mind.'

"Today was my twenty sixth year anniversary as a Kuchiki. No one mentions anything but the cook has made the same meal on this date every year as the one she made on my first day here. It took me a bunch of years to notice but now I look forward to it, it's like someone knows I'm here and acknowledges me. I've come to really care for the old jovial woman who is our cook.

To my surprise Ni-sama talks to her every now and again. I saw him with her this morning. She's been cooking for the family since he was a baby, and took care of him for a while too after his parents died. She's told me some fascinating things about Ni-sama. She says he wasn't always so emotionless. She says he was a rambunctious child, very demanding and short tempered. Ukitake-taicho told me the same thing, so did Kyoraku-taicho. It seems they were the ones who trained him.'

'I was awed today when, for the first time, I saw Ni-sama' release. It was so beautiful. The blades flew around and looked like cherry blossoms. I thought my heart would stop. Sode no Shirayuki wanted to join him in battle but I couldn't allow it. Were no where in the same class as him. His control over each blade was something to be envied, he's really amazing. I can see why he's a captain. I wonder if I will ever see his Bankai. I hear its just as awesome. He has a final release beyond Bankai too which is really rare, I wonder if I will ever get to see it, I'm scared to even ask him about it.'

'I guess I shouldn't have raved so much to Ukitake-taicho about Ni-sama' release and how I would like to see more. The first day Ukitake-taicho was well he invited Ni-sama over for a spar. I'm glad I got to see it though. I've spared with Ukitake-taicho and he's pretty amazing but the beauty of Ni-sama' sword makes me question my thoughts on him. I can see that it is beautiful and deadly like him. His Bankai is many swords and he can control each one like the blades of his release.

It's the last thing. His white emperor sword that confuses me the most. He looks like an angel haloed in white, his sword, white like mine, then and a huge white bird appears. If it's a reflection of his soul then I may be really wrong about him. As one moves through the layers, like his first where you only see the beauty without emotion, when you get to the Bankai I think it shows the sharpness within him, the many parts of his personality that no one sees. It kind of looks like a cage. I wonder if he feels trapt, I don't know what else to make of it. I would feel so overwhelmed if I was ever in his Bankai. It reminds me a place of no escape, a beautiful death. When it gets all they way to the last I start to think of him as a caged bird. Birds need to be free and he seems to be the most repressed person ever. It was so purely white, I think he's hiding so much. I doubt I'll ever see any part of the real him. The only things I know about him are his habits. I wonder if he would be this way if he weren't a noble. Would he be just as wild as Renji?'


	5. Chapter 5

A special thanks to my very few readers, I will continue the story just for you. I'm finding this bio/diary layout a great exercise for writing. Please excuse errors as It's late and I havent been feeling quite myself.

It seems to me that she had a unique fascination with the stranger she lived with. She lived with him for a long time so there is no doubt he was a main character in her life, even though interaction between them was minimal. That kind of person intrigues us all I think.

The next entry came just a few years later. I had never heard the story before. No one had spoken of the situation and I do not think her words really described how heart broken she really was.

'It was just a few days ago. I finally got up the courage to write this down. I'm writing it because I don't want to forget what happened. If I ever forget may I be struck down. I'm such a coward I couldn't apologize. I just brought his body back to the Shiba family and left. It's my fault, all my fault for going back. If I listened to the captain, If I hadn't …. why was there nothing I could have done? How could he be dead? That damn hollow killed so many. He wanted to avenge his wife. The captain said some fights need to be fought alone, I wanted to help him. I couldn't stop myself. Then it took him over. The captain was ill and couldn't do much.

Maybe if we could have captured him. Perhaps the 12th could have done something. But I went back and he fell on my sword. He came back long enough to remind me what our relationship had meant to him. I've cried in secret for days. I was allowed a few days off and haven't left my room since. I guess it's my life with no one to comfort me, no one with a kind word. I wasn't the one who was his wife or his family. I'm no one. I have no one. I wish I were the one who died instead of him. I wish I had been allowed to be the third seat so I'd be dead too. Why do they bother protecting me when they don't care about me anyway? It would bring honor to the family if I died in battle.'

'I'm just expected to go on like nothing has happened. I had to play the Biwa today at dinner and sing. They just expect me to be perfect in every way and act like the perfect lady. They don't care what I have to say unless it strokes someone's ego. They don't want to see a single bit of defiance or individuality. I'm just supposed to act like a doll. A docile woman who cant fend for herself. I think I hate everyone. If that's what they want, that's what I give them. I don't feel anything anymore. Rukia doesn't exist anymore. I'm only the sister of Byakuya Kuchiki. I have no name, no identity, no purpose.'

'I wonder if I should burn this stupid journal. I sit by my brothers side and pour him tea while he treats me like I'm one of his servants. He managed a short discussion about battle techniques and how I should improve myself. It almost seems like a struggle for him to even do that. I should have known what they were offering me was too good to be true. There are so many strings attached that I feel like a marionette. They even spoke for me when I was asked to say a few words at Kaien-dono' memorial. They told me it wasn't appropriate for me to even be there and they were right about that, but I didn't care. I had to be there even with the looks I was getting from everyone. I really feel like a whore. They can buy me all the tutors they want but I'll always be common street trash. I overheard some of the servants talking and they mentioned the lady of the house was not a noble and how she was called trash. I thought everyone loved her but it seems no one but Ni-sama did. It must have been hard for her. From what I know she was always very ill and delicate. They probably drove her into her grave sooner. I bet there are a lot of dark secrets in this house.'

'The elders insisted that Ni-sama remarry. This isn't the first time either. He outright refused no matter how much they protested. They even said anyone would do and that they just want an heir. His aunt said that she just wanted to see him happy again. It's been a really long time so I'm sure he will soon. He seems like such a tragic figure sometimes always alone. I get such a strange feeling in my stomach when I think of him remarrying. I'm sure it's just the idea of things changing around here. The last thing I want to deal with is another women in the house. Although I wouldn't have to do the household duties anymore. Yesterday they put me in charge of the household budget. Now I take care of all of the servants, expenses, and see to things like parties. They tell me I'm a gracious hostess. I hate parties and the people who come to them. Sure they look pretty but they're all such horrible people.'

'I can't sleep again tonight. I keep reliving that night over and over in my dreams. I wish I could make amends for his death. I'm so tired. I've tried to cover up the bags under my eyes with all types of makeup but it's not working. I just hope no one figures out why. I'm supposed to be in good spirits and smile all of the time. How can I when I'm still in morning? I think I understand Ni-sama a bit more then I did. He visits her shrine often but less then he used to. I see him sitting up all of the time walking the grounds. I guess he doesn't sleep much either. I feel like I have to carry this with me forever. I don't deserve to be free of this misery. One day, I wish one day that I could make up for it all, I wish with my whole heart.'

'It gets so lonely here sometimes that I think I can't stand it a moment longer. I tried to make conversation today with Ni-sama but as usual he answers me in short sentences. He dosent like to talk for the sake of talking. He reminds me of a monk sometimes. It's become a ritual for me to watch him every night as he wanders the garden. He reminds me of a statue of an angel standing in a graveyard. I try so hard to live up to his expectations of me and I know I must be such a disappointment.'

'They do show me kindness. It's not as though they don't. I'm not really sure what to compare myself too. I'm well taken care of, given anything I could want or need. I have the best tutors and have been given a great education. I am not forgotten on important dates and I do have a place in this family, especially since I now do all of the responsibilities of the lady of the house. It's still so weird how everyone acts. No one shows emotion, values emotion, or anything. It even seems like many of the married couples in this family are complete strangers without even the slightest bit of intimacy or familiarity. There are a few members who are more laid back then others, especially outside of family gatherings. I never thought it would happen but I've become like them. I'm just as dead inside as the rest of them are. I feel like a zombie.'

'There were flowers in my room today. I don't have a clue what the occasion is but it was from Ni-sama. It was thoughtful and my thank you was taken with a nod and a good night Rukia. I wonder if he's warming up to me? That was the most emotion I think I've ever seen from him toward me anyway. When I watch him at night I now know the stone look on his face isn't what it seems. He seems so conflicted when I watch him. I don't think anyone else would ever notice but I do. He's not all stone and I know he's not bad, not like what people think about him. He likes his quiet reflection time.'

'Ok I'm not fixating on my brother. I can't help it he's outside almost every night, sometimes when it's even too cold to go out. He has no friends at all and the only person he talks to is grandfather and that is always short and to the point. If I didn't have Ukitake taicho to talk to I think I'd go insane. The two third seats are really nice to me. They argue so much over who gets to take care of the captain. They have the same birthday and everything so their in such competition over every little thing. Still I'm the one he chooses to sit with most days. He likes how I pour his tea. We act like a married couple, we've been together so long. If it weren't for his illness I'd have a major crush on him. '

'Well another year has passed. I'm at home as usual since I'm not allowed to celebrate with the commoners. I wish I could. I can't help but think of what a great time everyone is having. I can still hear all the voices and straggling fireworks. Dinner was set out for the celebration and as always we all sat quietly, made small talk, then parted ways. The sum in the red envelope from grandfather was huge as always. I found out Ni-sama donates his to help the hungry. I think I'll do the same this year since I don't need any money.'

'I had drawing class today with Ni-sama. It was so quiet you could hear the scratching of the pencil. He's such a great artist. The tutor kept going on about the importance of lines. His work was ok but I want mine to be just like Ni-sama's. He let me keep his drawing. This is supposed to be a bi monthly thing until the end of the year. I hope it will help me be his friend. I don't know any other reason why he'd be taking it too, maybe he's just a bored as I am.'

'I had another nightmare last night. I haven't had any for years and now in the last week they've returned. I keep seeing Kaien-dono. Only his hair is orange not black. He's smiling but then the hollow from that night shows up. A maid was sent to make sure I was ok. I guess I was yelling pretty loudly in my sleep.'

'Another nightmare again last night. I don't really feel like sleeping. I took a walk in the garden and ran into Ni-sama. I don't know why I did it, he just looked so sad so I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder when I came up behind him. He grabbed it roughly and for a moment I thought he was going to throw me but then he released me and told me to go back to bed. I've never seen anyone with such a closed heart. I used to get upset but now I just feel sorry for him. Even the worst of men have friends, even acquaintances, but he has no one because he lets no one in. He doesn't know I know, it's a huge secret but he's been carrying on with a married woman whose the wife of a business partner for a while. I don't think he cares for her as their meetings are short. I guess I can't blame him he's a man and it can't be helped. It makes me feel insecure somehow and a bit jealous that even she gets more attention from him then I do. The family has asked to send me on some blind dates and I wonder if I should go, even if it's to break up the boredom.'

'Well I brought it up to the family that I would give some of their choices a chance. For some reason Ni-sama protested my dating but the family told him there really wasn't anything he could do because I'm of a good age for marriage. I don't know about marriage. Ni-sama made it clear to them that I would not be forced to do anything I didn't wish to, thank goodness he said that or I'd be worried.'

'Oh what a night! He was so arrogant. What an ass. How could anyone behave that way? This man was a cousin of Kyoraku-taicho. You'd think he'd have better manners. I can't believe how different the other clans act. They act like life is a fun joke. What's so fun about life? There's ones duty and the duty to ones duty. Perhaps I've lived under this roof too long but I can darn well say that the way he treated the servants, taunting them, abusing, them for all to see was just a disgrace. That's one man I never want to see again.'

"I was questioned today why I assaulted my date last night. I only punched him once. It's not my fault he fell from one hit. When I told Ni-sama what the man had attempted to do to me he said I was in the right but in the future I should come to him to resolve such issues. I may have to have these meetings at home from now on. I think the Shihon family is getting a strongly worded letter for the incident at least he's on my side on this.'


	6. Chapter 6

What I have of the next chapter. I've written the begining and the end so I'm working on making them meet in the middle somewhere. The later chapters will be really creative. I don't anticipate this story being too many more chapters but I've said that before. Enjoy.

Here are the letters I found that are dated three years after the previous entry. It seems there was only one family member she corresponded with semi regularly and that was Akiko Kuchiki who was Byakuya' biological aunt.

'Dear Rukia-chan,

Today you have been with us for fifty years. Do not think I forgot. I hope you enjoy this small present. I am sorry we have not been able to visit for some time, you know how your brother feels about visitors, especially since our choices for you did not go so well. How is he by the way? Is he seeing anyone? It would take such a burden from me if I knew there was an heir. But alas you know how stubborn he can be about these things. I do not envy you having to live with him. Is everyone in good health? I heard Ginrei was ill recently and I do worry about my brother. Please keep an eye on them both for me they are such a handful. Thank you for the invitation. We will both attend as always. I am excited to see what you have planned for the pary.

Akiko'

' Dear Oba-sama,

Thank you for the lovely kimono you sent me. I am not worthy of wearing such refinery. I will be sure to wear it to dinner tonight and think of you. As for your letter, no Ni-sama is not seeing anyone, as far as I know. Things here are the same as you remember them from the last time you were here. We are all well, even grandfather, who has recovered from a small illness. I will do my best to keep them both from getting into trouble. I am glad you will both be able to attend the family gathering. I'm sure you will like what I have planned. I'm using purple and silver for the theme colors and the flowers are really beautiful. I hope it will compliment the household. Thank you again.

Rukia'

There were a few things found with the letters. There was also a dried flower of what I believe was once a violet because of the delivery letter.

'Most honored customer Kuchiki Rukia-sama,

The violets are on their way and are the best of the season. The color is exactly to your specifications. Please expect delivery tomorrow morning at seven.'

'Fifty large plates in silver three hundred a piece charged to the Kuchiki estate. Payment Received thank you.'

'Thank you for having us. I do not remember when last we were to such a lovely party. The décor was just beautiful as could only be expected.- Mr. Kuchiki-Fuji.'

Those were the cards and letters found tucked in between the pages that corresponded with the date of the party entries.

'The party was a success. I actually looked forward to giving it this time. There's really little else I can do but t try to be perfect in the tasks I'm given. Fifty people all for a sit down dinner. It really was beautiful I'm glad I went with the lavender theme. The party has been all the buzz for the last week. It certainly kept me busy. Grandfather insisted on everything being of the topmost quality. It's amazing what it all adds up to, I'm glad money wasn't an issue but I was still able to talk a lot of the people down in price which made me feel good.'

'I had another run in with Ichimaru-taicho today. He was with Matsumoto-san as usual. I think she's going to get a promotion soon. If it wasn't for her being there I might have choked. I wish someone would just wipe that smile off of his face. He's so disturbing and makes me more nervous then anyone else I know. I just get this feeling of impending doom every time I see him. I avoid him as much as possible but I nearly got dragged into lunch with them. Luckily Renji was near by and made an excuse for me. It's like he knew. It was so nice talking to him even though we can only speak shortly and in a business like manner and in public. Talking to him is always refreshing.'

'Argh! They're making me learn how to play the koto. I'm bad enough at the biwa. And how they suggested the whole thing too, so seemingly innocently like it's a suggestion. But its not. The women are the worst in this family. They keep trying to make me be like them. They keep suggesting to Ni-sama that I stop all of my Shinigami nonsense and marry some noble. They even say they can get me a good husband and If I "behave" I can benefit the family. I don't want to behave. I'm so bored. I try so hard to please everyone and I cant do anything right. My brother obviously hates me and everything I do for the family is just never good enough for them. It's always tilt your head a little more, we mustn't express our opinions, a lady doesn't do that. I'm so sick of living here. '

'I got caught going out yesterday. Is it wrong to want to do something with my life other then this? I want to go somewhere so badly and there's nowhere I can go. It's like everything here has come to a head and its been that way for a half a century but nothing ever changes, nothing breaks. I'm ready to crack if I have to deal with this another day. I'm tired of walking on egg shells and taking orders. Would it kill him to just once to say good job? I'm being sent to stay with Akiko oba-sama for a year. I'm told it will do me good to be under the same roof as a lady for a while, receiving visitors and pouring tea. I'm supposed to have my rough edges smoothed over. I don't even care. I'm welcoming the change. Anything besides this place and him.'

'I might have been wrong. It's nice to have people to talk to but this place is way worse then home. Several important family members live here. I have to dress properly every day. Over three hours every single day just to look proper. I'm up before dawn and pulled and prodded in the worst ways. Everything looks so pretty but it takes an army to make everything perfect. They live way differently here. Ni-sama is a quiet and subtle man and the main house is very traditional. Here, well here it's so ostentatious and showy that you wouldn't know this house had Japanese people living in it. The whole place is made of stone and looks like the pictures I've seen of the mid Baroque period. I've never seen anything like it. Their old house can be seen in the distance and looks more like home. Just the guilt on one wall could feed an entire district. I always forget how much money and power my family has because of how simply Ni-sama likes to live.'

'I have to sing or play and instrument every night for entertainment. People visit and there's a party almost every night. I've met a ton of people. They are all people my aunt finds interesting so she invites them to dinner. Tonight it was a painter. We have tea at the strangest times and I'm not allowed to carry my sword. There was a party the other day and Ni-sama and grandfather attended. It was huge and I helped with the work. Ni-sama actually spoke to me. He asked if I was doing alright and asked me if I wished to come home sooner. I really thought about it but then I told him that I would not quit and that I would do my best to become what he expects of me. I don't know if he saw it in my eyes or not that I really wanted to go home. It wasn't much but they left me alone at home and didn't expect so much of me. I cant believe I just said that. It's so stifling here and women are treated and traded like property. Except for oba-sama who really runs this house, it's probably because she's a blood Kuchiki and her husband is from an old fallen house. Some of his unmarried sisters live here too. I'm still amazed a man would take his wife's name but I guess people will do anything for a comfortable life. I can't really say I'm any different or I would have left a long time ago.'

As I remember there was a story from this time. It seems she went to live with my great aunt for a while but she never mentioned to me that she disliked being there. It's not shocking that she disliked her time there, she was much more like her brother in many respects.

I'm surprised not to see any mention of the man she met while she was there. A distant cousin was only ten at the time and recalled parts of the story. She says she remembers overhearing a lot. Kids were weren't paid much mind so they heard all of the gossip. I'm wondering where to begin. It was late spring when a noble had come to visit and stay with them for a while. People frequently did that. He was a member of the Kyoraku clan and head of his particular division of house. His full name however is lost to me.

Summer was about to set in and seemed to have come sooner with its heat. Outdoor activities were more common as the indoors were intolerably hot. It was on this cusp of seasons that he spotted Rukia walking the grounds. He took an immediate interest. It was the color of her eyes that struck him the most. She of course had no interest in him or anything to do with her current situation. She was quite content gazing into the lake.

He was the persistent sort and soon she had found herself stuck joining him in evening walks. He was very romantic. My cousin says his sweet words always made her swoon. Rukia remained skeptical about this mans intentions, and made it known to her aunt. But it was hard to look past his overdone actions. They spent the summer together then an engagement request was asked without Rukia' knowledge. The house she was living in, of course, had no objections, however the decision did not lie with them.

It was well known that Rukia, as the adopted sister of the head of the clan, came with a huge dowry and much, much more. Her lack of noble blood was overlooked by many because a marriage to her could bring any house out of the brink of collapse. His real intentions and the nature of their association remain unknown.

By autumn an answer had come and he was refused by her brother. By now she had known about the request but was not allowed any input into the situation. I assume she did not care for him much, as she never mentioned him otherwise. From what I was told Rukia sat nervously and waited for an answer to her fate. She was sure she would be told to marry this man. The refusal came as a shock to everyone. Rukia had thought that at least she would have been consulted.

Rukia had by this time stayed in this household for nearly three years. Much longer then originally agreed. When her hand had been requested in early fall, and refused, she was called back home almost immediately. That was the end of her time away from the main house.


	7. Chapter 7

This chapters a bit large, but you know me, I dont like to keep anything from you.

'What a long day of training. I realized today that just like everyone around me, I haven't changed in a long time. It's time for a change. It's time for something to be different here. Maybe I'll redecorate my room or get new clothes or something. I might change my hair so I look different. Something has to be changed. I'm getting tired of the same old routine. I wonder how Ni-sama does it? But then I think I understand exactly how he feels, or doesn't feel for that matter. I had the gardener add some new flowers outside of my room. They look out of place, being so red, but It's nice to see something new. I wonder what it's like in the living world and if I'll ever get to go. I was recently given some books so if I ever went I would be able to speak the modern dialect. Someone told me they don't wear kimono there anymore but I don't believe that.'

'For some reason I had training at the 12th all week. Mayuri taicho really creeps me out. Luckily I was being trained by a 4th seat in modern technological products. There are some interesting hollow finders. Everyone is being issued cellular phones with hollow finding capabilities. The creepy captain mentioned someone in the living world who would be an important ally. He didn't give a name but he gave me an address. It seems he has some strange idea that I would be going to the living world soon, as if that would ever happen. I would love to go though, it would be so interesting.'

'Taicho said that I've really come a long way and I might be allowed to go on a mission by myself soon. I'm really excited and It's given me a new outlook. I'm trying harder at work and training harder any moment I can get. I killed all the dummy hollows yesterday. If I can ace my first mission they'll have to start showing me more respect. I cant spend anymore time writing. The sooner I get to bed the sooner I can wake up and train.'

'I'm so nervous. I'm waiting for orders. I'm getting a mission any day now. I bet it will be in the middle districts. I cant wait to get out of Seiretei and see something new. The last time I was out was over ten years ago and I was with a large group. I really wonder what it will be, they haven't said anything. I'm waiting every day. I jumped so high I nearly touched the ceiling when Kiyone came in to see me yesterday. I'm having so much trouble sleeping, I really need to calm down. I know it'll just be routine. There's no way I'd be allowed to do a dangerous job. Since I cant be promoted I have to do this well, so at least I'll have a good name. Everyone thinks I'm so week and their probably right. Taicho dosent think that though, he says I could easily take third seat. That would be funny, then it would be the three of us fighting over who does the better job and who gets to take care of Ukitake-taicho.'

'Preparing to leave for the living world. Lot's to do. Ni-sama isn't home and Taicho said he would tell him I was gone. Not that he would even notice anyway. I'll make him proud this time. Its routine and nothing could possibly go wrong.'

Well as we all know from here something did go wrong. It is, of course, left to history. We all know the story of Aizen's betrayal and conspiracy and the involvement of the great hero Kurosaki Ichigo. It is one of the first things we learn at the academy and why training has changed so much since those days. It is strange to think that Arrancer abilites were not allowed back then. A hundred years after the incident a new control on powers, thanks to the 12th was invented and all newer captains now have Arrancer abilities. The older ones had more difficulty accepting the abilities because they weren't completely their own but now in these modern times we know the necessity of strongest and most responsible mastering these abilities.

There were no entries from when she went to the living world and when she returned from Hueco Mundo. The incident changed her a lot. Lieutenant Abarai had told me that Rukia changed very much after meeting Kurosaki Ichigo. It was because of everything that happened she rekindled her friendship with Renji and was able to build one with her then brother. She also found out she once had a sister and she was married to her brother. The revelation changed everything for her and I was told that is when she fully understood her brothers motives over the years. Strangely she never held a grudge against him. I don't know if I could have been so forgiving about things, but she held no ill will. Her respect for him remained intact and so did her confused affections for him.

'I'm so glad it's all over and everyone is recovering. There were no fatalities thank goodness. I hope I never have to see Hueco Mundo again. If it wasn't for Ni-sama I'd be dead. I'll have to find some way to thank him for being so protective. I shouldn't have yelled at him for it a few months ago. I never realized that he really did care. Everyone has gone back to the living world and I really miss them. I don't know if I'll be stationed there again since it's all over with. I'm sure I can find a way to visit though and at least Ichigo will be here every now and again for training. What a time it's been! I really appreciated the quiet dinner at home with Ni-sama and grandfather. I never thought I would miss it but I did. It's nice to have the familiar and predictable back. Ni-sama' been extra nice too he even suggested we start having lunch together on Wednesdays when he has time to take a formal lunch. He wants to make a mends for the past. We played Go tonight. I thought I would cry, I was so relieved at everything being so quiet and harmonious. 'm almost glad it all happened. Things seem more like they should be.'

"Ni-sama promised to tell me about my sister, but another day. He doesn't like to talk about her much. I guess he did have a long day. He's going to start training me so I can become stronger. He told me I have earned our family name. I was so touched but I didn't let him see it.'

'What a hassle it's been all day. Ni-sama insists I wear a tomesode instead of a furisode when I go out and suggests that I wear a black ones with the family crest so I look like some old married woman. It's so formal its sickening. Matsumoto says its absolutely horrendous that he makes me do that. He says it looks more respectable that way and will ward off any unwanted attention. What makes him think its unwanted? He's always trying to run my life. He makes me so angry sometimes. We did have a pleasant lunch though. As angry as I am right now I find myself smiling more then I should be.'

'Today Ni-sama gave me a personal lesson in Kyudo. I've never been very good with a bow and arrow but somehow today I feel like I can do it if I stick with it. Ni-sama is so good at it. I don't think there's anything he's not good at. His form is just amazing. When he put his arms around me to help me fire the arrow, it hit it's mark dead on. I admit it made me nervous with him so close. I thought my knees would give away. I hope he will teach me again.'

'Tonight I came back from a blind date Matsumoto sent me on, what a strange guy. Anyway my evening didn't end with him. I went to the garden to reflect on the evening and found Ni-sama standing on the bridge gazing into the pond. I couldn't pass him by so I went to his side. I was shocked when the first thing he said wasn't a formality but an abrupt how was your evening. It was different then normal, when I just started telling him how amusing it was. I said to him that it was strange how only weirdo's will go out with me and I told him how I haven't dated in a long time. He said it was because of him not me. I asked what he meant and he said that he kept undesirables as he likes to say, away from me.

Then the conversation got more serious, if possible, and I told him that he shouldn't be alone all of the time, that he needed to have people to talk to. When he said he didn't have any such person and it wouldn't be proper I volunteered myself. I told him I didn't want to see him alone and unhappy anymore and that if he wasn't allowed to have any friends outside of the family then I would be his best friend. Then I told him that I want to see him happy so I forbid him to spend so much time alone and that he would just have to spend it with me, whether he liked it or not.

He's still a hard one to get talking. He doesn't let anyone in so I told him that if he told me his secrets I'd tell him mine. That's how friendship works so I said I'd go first. It was hard but the only thing I could think of to tell him that was serious enough and personal enough to gain his trust, was my past with Kaien-dono. If he was shocked, he never showed it, and the best thing was he never judged what I had done. I didn't expect it but he reciprocated and told me about his relationship with my sister. He told me she didn't love him like he loved her. That's when I put my hand over his that sat on the railing. I expected him to pull away but he didn't, instead he allowed me to grip his hand and he held it back. That was the first time we had ever shared something so important and I think it will bring us closer together. I feel relieved somehow, like that ice curtain that has hung between us has finally been pulled back. I feel strangely light.'

'Tonight Ni-sama and I played Go like we sometimes do in the evenings. It's been nearly a month since we broke the ice that haunted us for so long. He seems more comfortable around me then he used to, and its mutual. I'm so glad to because I really like his company. It's different then everyone else's. Renji and all of my friends are usually so boisterous and it's great and all but sometimes I think I've grown out of all of that. I like his calm demeanor. I like how he can sometimes be so arrogant. I know no one notices but I do, how he hides a smirk when he toys with people and they take him so seriously. It's really funny. People don't see past how scary he is, there's an amazing man under that façade. I envy my sister.'

'This time Matsumoto sent me on a blind date with Hisagi-san. It's funny now that I think of it when we realized we were both waiting for each other and had found each other anyway. He's a lot of fun as always. When I got home Ni-sama asked me to join him in his room to pour his evening Saki as he wished to discuss his day. I think he really just wanted to hear about my blind date. He stiffened a little at hearing Hisagi-fukataicho was my date. I'm not sure why because there's nothing he can really say against it, not that I'm thinking of him in that way.

I helped him with his scarf and then his kensaiken. Then without thinking I grabbed a comb and untangled his hair. Half way through I realized what I was doing and apologized but he calmed me by rubbing my arm and let me continue. I get the strangest feeling when he touches me like that. It's nothing I should be thinking of.

He told me he had a particularly difficult day with the lower ranks. He says they aren't meeting expectations and learning very slowly. Then the funniest thing happened. I tucked Ni-sama in and without thinking kissed him on the forehead like a little child. But he didn't say anything about it, he looked really peaceful. He's so handsome when he's not in his formal wear, like he's a different person, relaxed and vulnerable, well as vulnerable as one like him could ever be.'

'I guess this is becoming a normal thing for me to pour Ni-sama' his evening sake and comb his hair. I really like spending the last ten evenings with him. He has the most interesting stories about hollows and knows some crazy things about people. I like listening to him talk. I never realized he could speak that much but I find myself mesmerized by every word he says so much so that I don't realize the time going by. If I hadn't heard the clock in the hall chime two I would have stayed with him all night tonight. Oh and I have another date with Hisagi-san. I can't believe he asked me to go out again. We did have fun so maybe I'm not such a sick in the mud like Renji tells me I am.'

'I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend my time talking to. I'm so glad I reached out to Byakuya-sama. He asked me to call him by his name when were alone and use the honorific when were not. I'm going to sleep. I have an early morning.'

"I went out with Hisagi-san again last night. We had fun like we always do. He's good company. Most girls would kill for just one date with him. He's really a lot more serious then people take him for. I don't know, all night I found my thoughts wandering back to Byakuya-sama. There was a weird look he gave me before I left the house for my date. I wonder if my kimono was cut too low and it was inappropriate and he was being too polite to tell me. It was plum with black trim and black flowers, very subtle, I thought but not what he likes me to leave the house in. He wanted to know where I was going so I told him I had another date with Hisagi-san. I think if he knew something about him that I didn't, he would tell me or not let me go out. I wonder what the problem is?'

'He just listened patiently when I told him how my date went. I don't know what happened but the mood was different and I spoke without thinking. I said that I really wanted children and it would probably never happen to me. He asked me about Ichigo and I told him how he's is very like Kaien-dono and that I wasn't in love with either of them, like I told him about a while back. Then he said surly Abarai had won my heart. I told him any feelings I had for him were a long time ago and as I think of him as a blood brother, in a way I've grown apart from him, that were different now but I do love him just not in that way.

I blamed him for my bad love life for spoiling me with a fancy education and elaborate surroundings all these years. He almost laughed. Then he asked me seriously if I was ready to settle down. I said I wasn't sure because I've never been married before or had parents to watch so I said marriage scared me a little. Then I freaked and asked if he would force me to marry someone against my will. He said he would never do that to me. I guess he had too much sake because when I was about to leave he grabbed onto me and wouldn't let me out of his grip. I didn't know what to do. I ended up spending the night with his head buried in my neck and his arms tightly around me. I felt really safe and content. I shouldn't have these feelings but I do. I didn't realize what strong feelings getting closer to him would result in.'

'I went out with Hisagi-san again and met up with some friends too. Were no more then friends. I had a hard time concentrating on enjoying everyone. I was given such a cold look and a look of dismissal when I left the house tonight. The morning had been nice waking up in his arms. These feelings need to be forced back down at all costs. They cant be returned he's my brother and It's going to hurt so much if things change any more then they already have. He apologized for his behavior, of course, and things through breakfast were fine. When I said I was leaving to go out with Hisagi-san things changed.

I wasn't summoned to serve him sake this evening and I thought I did something wrong. I was getting really angry. I never could control myself so I stormed into his room to give him a piece of my mind. I had burst through the door startling him a bit but then I lost whatever focus on anger I had and lost my nerve. I just started talking about anything I could think of, he had really gone cold on me. I unfastened his kensaiken and combed his hair. It felt like every stroke was like playing Russian roulette with a viper. Little reaction came from him so I got mad again. I told him that I wasn't offended about last night and that he shouldn't be upset either. I even said that if he needed someone to act as a plushy again I'd volunteer. What else could it have been about?

His face softened at that and he asked me about my evening. I told him I couldn't have any fun because of how he'd acted earlier. I got upset and said that there was no way we were going back to the way things used to be, and that I didn't want to live with a wall of ice between us again. I told him how much I care for him. He said our friendship means a lot to him and then he apologized for being so cold and that he wouldn't do that to me again.'

'He's acting strange. Yesterday he asked me not to see Hisagi-san again. When I asked why he just said to do it for his sake, whatever that means. He grabbed me by the arms and practically begged that I wouldn't. Then I found myself in an embrace. He was hugging me tightly and I couldn't help but hug him back. I'm happiest when I'm in his arms. My feelings for him are becoming too real. I'm in love with him and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. I can't even recall when it happened. It might have been long before all of this mess started. I used to think it was just infatuation and respect but it's so much more and I've entertained his memory so many times at night that I don't desire anything else but him. He must have had a hard day because I found myself being used as his pillow again. I guess there are things about him I'll never figure out. I know now what love feels like and well it hurts because I know he'll never want me the way I want him. All I can do is be the sister and friend I've been. All I have are these evenings and if something were to get in the way I think I wouldn't make it anymore. I do have habit of falling for the wrong men. I must be so messed up.'

In the beginning of this book, as you may recall, was the story of how Rukia and Byakuya met when they were kids. There is a later story linked to that one. I'm trying to remember the whole thing so I can share it with you.

They sat together looking at Hisana' old things in a box that had been placed in storage.

"You promised to tell me how you met my sister." Rukia said.

"It was a long time ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. She had forgotten it though. She had so much energy back when I first met her. It was only once and then I did not see her again for many years. It was an accident that I found her again. I was fifteen at the time. She told me she was eleven. I was on a training mission with Kyoraku taicho. I had killed a hollow that was about to attack her. I was a bit spoiled and selfish back then, I suppose that has not changed much. I was told it would benefit me if I were to spend some time with her. I used to tie my hair up with a red silk ribbon and she took it right out of my hair like that ware cat always did. It was because of her I started wearing my hair down. She showed me the difficulties of her life. We somehow ended up on a roof and out of nowhere I just kissed her. I must have scared her off because of the kiss. I let her keep the ribbon. I could not stop thinking about her for years. I was a bit too over zealous when I found her again. She always said I came in like a knight and swept her off of her feet. I was still too rambunctious back then so I did not slow things between us down. We were married almost immediately.'

"You cant be serious do you have a picture? You have to show me a picture of you from back then. Hurry find one!"

"Please calm down. You get so worked up over everything Rukia. That must be what I like about you." he shuffled through some papers in an old box. "I was about sixteen in this one…..Where are you going?" he asked after her as she ran out of the room.

When she returned she wasn't sure what to say to him.

"Please don't be mad but…Do you recognize this?" she held out an old red ribbon.

"What is…Where did you get that?" His eyes went wide and he tried to make sense of what he was seeing. "Did you take it from somewhere?…Rukia answer me."

"You… let me keep it…I had forgotten all about it until now." she handed it to him and he gripped it hard.

"Can you give me a moment." he asked her now knowing that the whole myth he made up surrounding Hisana had broken. It wasn't easy and it hurt.

"Yeah I need to check on the servants anyway. I'll be in later with your evening Saki if you want to talk about it."

They didn't speak much of the incident later he only said…

"It seems like a haze has lifted. Something always did feel wrong and now I know why. Somehow I always knew it was not her and when I met you I refused to believe that you might be the same person. I did not want to admit to myself that what I had with Hisana was childish fancy and not a solid foundation."

"But you loved her none the less and you were happy with her. There isn't anything that can change that. Her not being that girl doesn't make what you had with her any less real. There's no need for guilt or unhappiness and she wanted us to be happy, even if she wasn't with us. I know she did."

Well that's the story I was told. I always thought it was romantic and sweet that they met first. It was the next story that really blew my mind. I wonder if I should be surprised though, the both of them really were unique.


	8. Chapter 8

I dont have much time to write anymore so I'm giving you what I have. I will finish this story soon and probably more prematurly then I would like. I hope you like this part I thought it was as imaginative and different as I could think.

From here the entries don't give the entire picture of what happened. So here are the entries, then I will tell you the story that goes along with them.

'I've been working with a woman who is a specialist in refining women. Even after all of these years I'm still a bit rough around the edges. I have worked tirelessly to perfect the walk, the dance and the look. She tells me I'm very beautiful and with my eyes I could have any man I wanted If I just perfected my movements. There is someone I want but he'll never want me and I'll do anything to get him to notice me as more then just a friend.

He noticed how tired I was this evening and he told me I've been working too hard and need to rest. He complimented me on my gracefulness at dinner. I was nearly outed then and there when he ran his hand through a strand of my hair. I hope I didn't swoon.'

'Tomorrow I'm going to surprise Ni-sama and Grandfather with a dance during dinner. I'm going to be stuck getting my hair done almost all day so I look proper. The kimono are so long that walking has to be done carefully. I'm told the movements in the kimono are what arouse men. I just think its one of the trickiest things I've ever had to learn. The make-up will be fun and the gold adornments for my hair are crazy looking.'

'I don't know what happened last night. He talks like nothing out of the ordinary happened. I heard Ni-sama ask about my whereabouts at dinner as he thought I would enjoy seeing the performance. This happened right before I was about to perform. My instructor who is a very seasoned geisha said not to worry about where I was. She had the music start and I made a such an entrance in that dimly lit room, that all fell silent and all eyes were on me. My face was white and my lips painted red. My hair was done up in old style with gold shards all over the front. My kimono was of red white and black clouds with a long red under kimono which was so long it trailed behind me. I can say I glided to the spotlight and moved the fans to perfection like I had never done before. I really thought I would stumble but I didn't.

When it was over Ni-sama rose from his spot and said something to Lulu-sensei. And then he left. I thought I was in trouble for something. I went to his room immediately as ordered by Lulu-sensei. There was only one candle lit and I wasn't used to seeing his room that dark. I didn't get a chance to speak. All he said to me was ' you will follow my orders do not speak and you will keep your eyes down at all times.' I hadn't heard him speak so coldly in a long time so I dared not to defy him. He ordered me to lay down. He wouldn't make eye contact with me. I didn't know what to do when he took my clothes off so I tried to sit up but then he pushed me back down. Then we had sex for the first time. He called out my name when he climaxed. I never knew he felt that way about me but then when it was over he ordered me from the room. It was so impersonal. I loved his touch but something wasn't right. I feel so insecure right now. I don't know what happened and he acts like nothing happened. I was summoned to pour his Saki later but I said to the maid I wasn't feeling well and wanted to get some sleep. I don't know what else to do.'

'Lulu-sensei sent me a letter today requesting that I dress again like I did last night. She insisted that I follow her instructions and see Ni-sama in his room again tonight. I don't know how she knew but she's known our family for a long time. She must be acting like some go between. I don't know why he just doesn't ask me. I wonder if it's just too hard for him to be with me in a less formal way. It's strange. Since no one talks about this stuff this could be just how nobles do this. I went just like last night and followed the same orders. He kept the room very dark. But tonight wasn't like last night. His touch was somehow more desperate. He held his hand over my mouth and whispered 'Rukia I love you.' I never thought he would have such issues but if this is the way he wants it then I wont deny him. I can't deny him. I love him too much.'

'I hate him right now. How could he not know it was me! I can't stop crying.'

It was many years after I was married my mother felt comfortable enough to tell me this story. I had nearly forgotten when I saw the journal entries. It was quite a story and I just thought it was a fairy tale she told me about a made up couple but it really happened to her. I'll piece it together as best as I can for all of you.

It began when Rukia whished to please her brother by becoming the perfect lady. She thought it would get his attention so she contracted with a high ranking geisha who had many times entertained at family gatherings. She worked tirelessly to perfect her behavior, dance, and ability to entertain men like a lady would.

She enjoyed the hard labor and when the time came she wanted to surprise her family with a dance. So one evening Lulu-san, the geisha, had come to dinner and said that she had a surprise for Ginrei and Byakuya as there would be entertainment that night in a woman she had been working with for a while and wished their opinion.

Byakuya had wondered where Rukia was, as she was never late for dinner, and he knew she would enjoy the entertainment as well. The room was darkened when Rukia entered and candles illuminated her. She wore a beautiful yukata of black and white clouds with a red under kimono that trailed behind her. Her face had been done up in traditional geisha style as was her hair, which was fully adorned in gold.

The movements in the kimono were painstaking. It appeared as if she was gliding, this walk is very particular and it is meant to rouse a mans interest. She took her fans and moved them perfectly to the song Lulu-san was playing and singing. Attention never left her for one moment. When she was done she bowed out of the room.

Byakuya had risen from his spot and spoken with Lulu-san. He commanded her to have the woman sent to his room, she was to be instructed not to speak and to keep her eyes averted. This was not to be disobeyed.

Rukia did as Lulu-san told her. She assumed she was in trouble, if it were anything otherwise she would not have been instructed to not speak or look up. She arrived at the room and behaved with perfect refinement. It shocked her when he ordered her to lay down on the futon.

At the time Rukia did not realize that he thought he had purchased a woman for the evening. He kept the room dark and did not speak to her for anything but to give orders. Rukia was confused by the behavior and the strangely cold treatment he was giving her while he was having her. He had called out her name when he climaxed so she had no reason to believe he thought her anyone else. When it was over he ordered her out. Rukia was very concerned now and had much emotional turmoil. As Rukia had been summoned every night to pour his Saki, on this night she refused saying she was feeling ill. She thought he would understand and even call her to his bed to spend the rest of the night. It did not happen.

The next day she had been summoned by Lulu-san who urged her to do the same as the night before. Rukia did not know this at the time but he had paid her the sum of a three thousand dollars the first night and five thousand for the second. Rukia wore the same kimono and had taken the day to prepare again in full costume. She didn't even recognize herself. She assumed that there was something wrong with him to want her in this way, she felt ashamed but wanted to be with him. She thought that if that is the way he wanted things to be then that's how it would be. That night he had said Rukia I love you when he reached his peak. When he had finished he again ordered her to leave. Rukia was feeling very confused but assumed that was his way. She loved him and so couldn't deny his way of pleasure.

The third night came and she was unable to don more then a kimono and a clean look. She was told by Lulu-san that he could not get enough of her body and she should follow the same rules as the previous evenings. Rukia did as she was told because she loved him.

The third night went like this….

She walked into his room and knelt on his bed now used to the ritual.

"Rukia what is it?…..Well say something. I am very busy." he said.

"But you're the one who asked for me to come and you said never to speak to you."

"Rukia?" he looked very confused.

"You said I shouldn't look at you and I shouldn't say anything. I'm sorry if I've disappointed you but I was working really late and I didn't have time to put on the full costume. If you wish me to go then I will." she looked down feeling ashamed at her appearance and the whole situation.

"What the hell are you talking about Rukia?" he burst out looking angry.

"If you don't want to talk about what we've been doing I understand." she started angry. "I know I must be a disappointment to you and this whole affair has been strange to me… It's just that well, last night when you said you loved me I…"

"That was you? I could not have been!" he yelled.

"Who did you think It was?…oh no don't tell me…but you called me by name…did you think I was some sort of…that's why you put your hand over my mouth when you said it… that's why you ordered me out right after you thought…then you expected me to pour your sake after having a whore…Oh my god!" She put her hand over her mouth and began to cry. He took a moment to compose himself before he spoke.

"Rukia I am sorry it is true that I did not know it was you.…You do not know how relieved I am that it was you…I could not help myself…I did not mean to…" he seemed ashamed and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I hate you! Leave me alone." She yelled running away and locked herself in her room. He thought it best to leave her for the evening.

She dreaded his encounter all the next day. Now she was the one who did not wish to look at him. It was like he had broken a sacred bond. She was jealous, jealous of herself , but jealous still.

Then he hand dragged her to the garden and forced her to listen to what he had to say.

"Rukia you will listen to me. You very well know I have not been celibate all of these years, however it had been a really long time since I have…A man can only go so long Rukia. I never thought you would return my affection. You have been my friend and my sister. I assumed the idea of us being more would disgust you. I have wanted you for so long, I have waited and watched as you showed interest in others. I know what you had done with Shiba before you told me. You think I did not notice you then but I did. I was too scared to allow you into my life. I knew I would end up the one hurt and I could not allow that. You see since I first saw you all of those years ago I knew I wanted to have you. I married your sister because she reminded me of you, I thought maybe she was you. When I saw the woman dancing she reminded me of you so much that it roused something in me and I couldn't resist. I thought I could pretend it was you if I never heard her voice or saw the color of her eyes. This has all been because of my cowardice. I should have told you how I felt long ago. Instead I ordered you to have sex with me. I didn't know it was not a woman of the evening. I paid quite a bit to Lulu-san for you. Never trust a woman like that, although I think she may have been playing match maker."

"Did you really have no idea it was me? We've known each other for so long. How could you not?"

" For a few moments here and there I thought it was you. Your scent, the curve of your neck, the small sounds escaping you, I thought it was my imagination but the similarities are what made me arrange for the next night and the night after. I thought I was loosing myself with every moment as I could not resist the flesh I was touching. With every moment that passed I felt guilty it was not you. Please forgive my foolishness."

"I don't know what to say. It's all so odd. I wish you had said something."

"I am so glad it was you. Although had I known I would not have behaved so badly toward you. What you must think of me? I will make it up to you any way I can. Just forgive me."

"I'm so jealous and hurt right now and the funny thing is its myself I'm jealous over. It's so confusing that it's making circles in my head. I understand your need. I admit to being jealous over the years when I knew you left to be with some woman. I hoped you never brought one of them home, and you never did. I guess I cant be too mad, it was me after all. I really thought you had some strange sex problem and I wondered if my sister had to deal with the same thing with you." she laughed a bit.

"Will you forgive me? We can start over if you wish."

"I would like that."

"Shall we court properly?"

"That sounds like a plan."

"Rukia I was told by Lulu-san that her girl had taken the proper precautions to avoid pregnancy."

"I didn't know that was going to be the end result that night. I just wanted you to notice me and start thinking of me as a woman. When you ordered me I didn't have time for anything like that and after I didn't think it would matter. So it's in the realm of possibility."

"I see."

"Will it complicate things?"

"No the elders have been trying to get me to remarry since the day you arrived. They had their eyes set on you. That is why they made you attend all of those classes and perform so much. They have been tailoring you since day one to be the lady of the house. You may not have noticed but year after year they altered you to think and act as they wish and you have come along nicely. There will be no objections."

"I thought it was all because they didn't want me to disgrace the family with my low breading."

"That was also a concern but they saw the potential in you."


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry it's taken so long to get this to you but I haven't had any time to write. This is the end of the story b/c I cant seem to continue it anymore. At least there's a conclusion.

That is how they got together. They were married very shortly after then I came along a few months later. Oh right I haven't told you the story of how they actually got married.

Well I got the whole uncensored and rather dull version later on. They originally told me it was all done properly with right ceremony involved. It happened like this not long after they agreed to start dating officially to show everyone they were going through the right channels.

Well it seemed father didn't exactly take the initiative to ask for her hand, that was just how he was. So others took it upon themselves to help things along. It is customary for the parents of the newly wedded, to poke a small hole in the shoji to make sure the marriage was consummated.

Since the two were not married yet the servants had noticed the 'consummation' going on regularly. Great grandfather had found out and one evening he had witnessed it along with a high ranking household servant who pointed it out. The next morning Rukia was busy balancing the household budget when her grandfather placed a document in front of her and asked her to sign it, she was so preoccupied that she didn't ask and just signed it barley noticing her grandfather was there. The man had then signed his name and the servant hers. The two then went to study to find the groom. He was also knee deep in paper work. Ginrei repeated the process with him.

It wasn't until lunch that he congratulated the both of them. Neither had a clue what it was for. He showed them the document and it took them both a while to remember when they signed it. Rukia was the first to protest the trickery. They were told it was too late as the announcements have gone out, the form was binding, and the consummation had witnesses the night before. Both had seemed embarrassed and then, relieved.

It wasn't much of a change for them to get used to married life. Mom was already carrying me before they were married so it was the logical course of action anyway. The two of them lived very long and happy lives together. She didn't keep much of a journal after, only one more entry and then I will have to tell you what I remember.

'I thought I misplaced this diary. I assumed it would have disintegrated with so much time. It's been forever since I wrote last and longer since I've read the pages. Times have changed so much and I've changed so much. It is our two hundredth wedding anniversary. I still laugh when I think of how we were tricked into marriage. We've been blessed with wonderful and talented children who make us proud every day. Byakuya has made me so happy over the years. Yes we've had our disagreements but they were all so petty and not worth mentioning. I surprised him today when I told him we were having another baby. It's been a long time since we agreed to stop having them. The house has been so quiet with our daughter long married and gone and our sons in such high positions. Both captains, they get it from their father. I think it is time for another baby and he couldn't have agreed with me more. I feel so blessed every day. I hope the next two hundred years are filled with just as much love and joy, I will have to enjoy my children now as soon I will probably be to old to have any more. I'm sure by then my sons will make me a grandmother again and fill the house. It's so strange to be a grandmother. I'm not a day over three hundred and twenty. But I'm glad we didn't wait until we were older to have kids. Its been all so wonderful. I was just getting back into my work, I was a lieutenant for such a short time. Oh well. I love being a mom and wife more. I'll see in twenty or so years if I want to go back again. It's busy being the Kuchiki matron.'

Mom spent a lot of her time with us and when we were older she went back to being a Shinigami part time. She visited her friends in the living world and they visited us often. It was strange to me how quickly the living age and die. Dad continued to head the 6th division and the household which was passed onto my brother when father retired. It was all so long ago, so much has happened and now I think I will have to publish my memoirs too so my kids will know my view of the big events that are now in the history books.


End file.
